So said Shakespeare! The truth in these words is universal, timeless and eternal. I named my first-born son Tathagat; which is Lord Buddha’s stage of enlightenment under the Bodhi tree. Therefore, the name embodies spirit of renunciation, enlightenment and salvation yet my boy is far remotely attached to these virtues. He is attached to materialistic pursuits and can not rest until he gets what he has set his craving heart on. All the wisdom imparted to him about the virtues of human character to be above materialistic pleasures leaves no impression on his hedonistic senses. But name does bear resemblance to his character in one way, that is, he is a kind-hearted altruistic soul and his heart goes out to the underdog. His teachers eulogize praises and classmates herd around him; a phenomenon I observe during PTMs and I can never expect him to derive sadist pleasure seeing someone in a fix; something the yet- to- develop- conscience children indulge in. Another time he stands true to his name when he shows his intellect in small things and the fact that he has a fertile mind which puts him in the top league though competiveness and ambition are yet to take root in his mind. He is lackadaisical and has no qualms if someone else surpasses him in rank except feeling remorseful with regard to being denied the cherished object as prize. For rest of things, he loves to steer clear of the sublimely spiritual connotations that his name may hold but loves to bask in glory of having a unique name; a rarity in the rustic Jatland! My personal name for him would be “Aalsi Jeev” meaning thereby “Lethargic being”.

 Now the second born was named Maitreya; after protracted arguments over a befitting name. He is also named after Lord Buddha; Maitreya  is the avatar of Buddha that shall come in this world and be the harbinger of peace and contentment.  Well, the little one did battle the odds of survival and emerged a winner in true sense of the word but anything about his traits stands against the meaning of name. He bangs head if denied his pleasures and is given to tantrums if some wish left unfulfilled; an embarrassment I didn’t have to face with regard to older one. This one is possessive about his space and already has a clear sense of his desires. He loves to wear what is new and delighted with spicy treats while has to be force-fed with nutritious food.  However, the positives this naughty boy has are way many – he is deeply attached and loves to cuddle unlike kids who prefer to break free (maybe this has to do with the kangaroo treatment meted out to him in initial months of life in order to help his weight grow fast) and very generous in matters of blowing kisses after putting the persons (father and brother; he never had the nerve to combat with me) in combative battles and ever generous to impart service of hands to their faces.. He is feather light and glides on toes like a graceful belle dancer and balances on backs and chests of the other two males in the family, even rolls on the ball. I would name him “bechain atma – restless soul”

 These boys wear Buddha as their glorious crown yet fall short of illuminating my life with that much-coveted moment of peace as with these defiant souls hovering around, vocal chords work overdrive*buddham sharnam ghachhami* 

About the rest of us two – Pravin (meaning expertise, excellence) stands true to his name as he is a versatile guy – electrical engineer who works in the civil engineering department with a bit of medicine thrown in and oodles of artistry of doodling kind in him (my sixth sense says he must be far better than the many academic civil engineers as his in-depth understanding of concepts and learning is excellent and he has learned his craft on field). He is a reliable guy to have around with a plumber, electrician; actually a fixer in one package. Beneath the lazy morning veneer lurks a tenacious night person but someone who needs a push to be propelled higher. He is a virtuoso in spewing and fuming bitterness but then he is a naive pure soul so we drink the bitter with the sweet (my desired name for him is neem-karela quinine concoction).

 For myself, I stand false to my name. Nidhi, which means treasure/one who is endowed with good qualities, has found complete disapproval with my persona. With regard to the first meaning, I incur huge monetary losses to the boss during my shopping trips because like my older son; I want everything under the roof that shelters me in that hour. The second meaning has yet to see light of the day and I wait with bated breath for some latent talents to emerge. I guess they would prefer to call me “bhatakti atma” – haunting soul since I am forever with my antennas up and can sense them being up to something even with eyes and ears closed. However, there is one silver lining as I find the boys completely dependent on me in the field of verbosity.  I love words to desperation and sometimes it is my forte` as the two guys forever consult me what they can’t decipher.

 For the rest, life is beautiful, interesting and full of tales that would have not been our tales and anecdotes had we not been crowned with certain names. Therefore, our nomenclatures become raison d` etre for our being ourselves

]]> http://wordsinlament.wordpress.com/2010/08/18/about-being-at-home/feed/ 9 wordsinlament http://wordsinlament.wordpress.com/2010/08/10/this-and-that/ http://wordsinlament.wordpress.com/2010/08/10/this-and-that/#comments Tue, 10 Aug 2010 15:05:26 +0000 Nidhi http://wordsinlament.wordpress.com/2010/08/10/this-and-that ]]>

While you take so many things in your life for granted; it
takes just a moment’s separation to realize their worth. I cherish his presence
around me and consider it my greatest asset and security, yet I take it as an
essential part of my existence; never stopping to catch my breath and ponder
how I can survive without it. However, it takes just one long evening which
stretches into an overnight stay somewhere else that my heart loses its beats
and nothing else nothing else at all can make me happy. That one night has the
trappings of an eternity and I feel lost, dazed, somber, restless, debilitated
as if a part of my body has been cut off. It is as if someone has cut off the
oxygen supply to my lungs.

That was about my personal up-close woes. Past so many days, there has not been
a singular good news in the daily papers on the national basis. There is
extreme situation in  J&K; unfortunately Omar Abdullah, who started on
such a hopeful note appears completely clueless and lost, the injustice meted
out to Bhopal Gas tragedy victims at the hands of courts, the Commonwealth
Games kick-offs thoroughly tarnishing the credibility of our country, the
cloudburst in Leh leading to monumental and irreparable loss to tranquil life,
the ship sinking off Bombay. It is a fact that we Indians tend to shake off our
losses with a resilient dignity but certain things need to be tended in quite
the contrary manner. How USA stood up to environmental disasters caused by BP
oil slick should be an important lesson for us since we take our environmental
hazards so softly.

For rest I shall return later; I have to resuscitate my writing, I have to find
my words through this meandering maze of wordless vacuum that has besieged my
brain. This heart is forever filled with the glue of verbosity, yet it finds no
anchor in the mind and the fingers. 

At some juncture of life, you come face to face with an experience that
can shatter your soul, drench your heart of its emotions, sap your body of all its blood. All the sediments that have been in
the bottom pit of your heart over the years just float to the surface washing
you over completely with waves of sorrow and repentance but how hard
you may
clench your fists you just have to let go..

Yet the resilience in human nature can pull it out of any abyss
and it would be an odiously ossified existence if we didn’t have the strength
to pull ourselves out of the tedium of painful solitude and brushed off the
burdens stuck on our shoulders to walk tall.

I can vouch
for the fact when you stop writing even the words start eluding you.. after
all, they have dignity and deserve tender cherish…. All this time I have been
confabulating with them and writing blogs in my head.. my own words have
sometimes left me amazed with the widened horizons of my emotions and intensity
of suffering . These have been the blogs of unmatched perfection but the moment
I have thought of typing them out, I found myself completely at a loss; their memory
a transitory moment to be endured in the brain and not on the screen.

Moreover, I can
claim that one can write when one is in doldrums; feel angst against everything
this world accounts for, carry a sneer and cynicism against life and feel
morose, shattered, heartbroken and on the edge.. sunshine and happiness are
very limiting while black night and sadness know no bounds when it comes to
weaving rich tapestries with words. Well,after all a writer needs the power of
emotions to bring out the words in him or her. Speaking for myself, while all this time, my heart has not been depraved of the beauties of sufferings but I just did not have enough time to utilize it and allow it to break the barriers with which I insulate my self against the coldness and harshness of life.. Maybe I have become desensitized and while my heart churns laughter and sadness alike… I embrace the joys and consciously allow the sadness to find home in some deep recesses till the next tears start falling..