All-encompassing guilt

Life gives you much to rue over. My each day begins on a guilt note and that is how I end it.. I am forever facing the torment of not heeding enough to my older child as my attentions have shifted to the younger one.  His life has not been easy as from being the sole focus of my life and the apple of my eyes; he now finds himself at the sidelines and totally bewildered as he is expected to be more sincere, responsible and independent. I am at tenterhooks and completely sapped due to lack to sleep. During day I feel guilt pangs as not being able to help my boy with his homework and also scolding and insinuating him; sometimes unnecessarily about dos and don’ts; especially when I realize it will only make him aggressive and stubborn and that I should not make him my vent. He deserves much more love than I express for him. Its a struggle that envelopes my days and at night it is rush hour to make them sleep and then in the silent brooding hour of night, my guilt trip begins yet again with renewed frenzy as once again I have not been able to listen to the unspoken words, heed to the yearnings and subtle expressions of my husband and older son.. When will this come to a pass? When will I take a detour from this trip and come to an understanding about the way to find my route towards an existence free of laments, sighs, fits of fury and a troubled heart??

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